The Gremlins in my Head #MPBooks

How does a simple illness mess with your mind and mental health?

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Cat covering eyes
Image from Pixabay.com

For most of yesterday I’ve been feeling like the cat in the picture.  I’ve had a splitting headache, found it hard to function and am struggling hard to shut out thoughts of guilt and sadness which have plagued me since I started coming down with something a few days ago.

I don’t like to admit I’m not feeling good, but the truth is that although the last few days of last week I’d been feeling positive, I started to come down with something and it seems relentless in wanting to put me on bed rest.  I feel like I’ve got a sleeping sickness, I’m just so tired all the time and when I sleep, which has been for most of the last two days, I don’t feel refreshed at all 😦

Though I suspect (and hope) that all I’ve come down with is a nasty virus or similar, it’s the negative impact on my mood that’s really worried me.  I try to keep myself cheerful and upbeat, in fact I want to feel positive, but something inside, almost like a disconnected thing is trying to bring my mood down and bring in all these horrible negative thoughts which ultimately plunge me into depression.

Sometimes it’s been so easy for me in the past to give in to these thoughts, to embrace the pain and horrible feeling they give me of guilt and upset.  It’s been so easy to give up, to let go, to enter that dark realm of dark thoughts that spiral me ever further into a place I can’t crawl back from.  It’s a place, a realm, I’ve sometimes been almost eager to enter, not happy with my own life, my own existence, I’ve found it hard to even want to grab the sides of the long dark pit and crawl out.

But despite that horrid darkness, I stop.  I stop myself going there again.

It doesn’t always work out this way, of course, sometimes I relish being in that realm and enjoy breathing in the mind-choking air, but now I’m discovering I’m stronger than I think.  I can resist the urge to fall into that dark pit, or at the least I hover past its entrance, look down and fight that will to put myself there, to accept that I have to feel that way just because everything in my life seems to want me to.

Today, although I still feel ill and an incredible guilt is filling me for not being able to keep up my personal commitment to check in with all you wonderful people and your blogs, I still resist the urge to get fully depressed.  It’s almost like I’m fighting myself and the happy me is winning this battle.  I refuse to let the depression take hold, to let it throw me into that pit, to make me resist the urge to leave.  Today I am okay.

Does this mean it’s not possible to become depressed like that again?  No.  It just means that today, I’m coping better than I used to with this thing, and I’m determined to not let it control me.


Well I went off-topic here, waaay off-topic and wrote something from the heart based on my emotions and how I’m feeling today.  I am still feeling ill and this post was a real depiction of how I feel and became far more raw than I thought it would be.  I’ll be posting up a lot of book review posts the coming days which I’ve prepared so I can sleep off this (hopefully a virus) thing.  
  Inspired by the daily prompt: Gremlins


Please let me know any of your thoughts you have on this post, I’d love to hear from you (though I might need time to reply as I may be asleep) 🙂  You can also find me in these places: 

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#WordlessWednesday: Seagull Silhouette #MPBooks #Photography #Photo #Art

A picture that doesn’t need words for #WordlessWednesday 🙂

Seagull silhouette
“On my throne!” – Seagull silhouette © My Peacock Books
mypeacockbooks.wordpress.com

I thought this would sit nicely with the daily prompt of ‘nest‘ 🙂 !  What do you think?  While I’m not sure the seagull is actually nesting here, birds are notorious for finding many places to nest including man made structures like this.


What do you think of this picture?  Please do comment, I’d love to hear from you 🙂  You can also find me in these places: 

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#DailyPrompt: Distant Sun #Poetry #Photography #MPBooks

An interesting photo that asks you a question.

Faint View MPBooks
View from Rochester Castle – Image © My Peacock Books
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Distant Sun

A faint glow of distant sun,
A coming of the dawn,
Or faint glow of distant sun,
A setting causing yawn?


Do you think this was taken near sunrise or sunset?  What do you think of the picture or the poem.  Please let me know your thoughts I’d love to hear from you 🙂 You can also follow me in these places: 

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#ShortStory: Her Presence #Halloween #MPBooks

A quick and different post inspired by Halloween.

Scared Eye
Image from Pexels.com

Happy Halloween everyone!  Something a little different for you today.  This is a special post for Halloween.  A very short story (the first I’ve ever shared here) which I do hope you’ll enjoy.  It’s a bit different, maybe a bit silly (though nothing inappropriate despite where some minds might think this is going 😛 ), but I hope you enjoy it and I’d love to know what you think, good or bad.  You can really be honest, I don’t mind.  Happy Halloween everyone! 🙂

Her Presence

He awoke with a sudden jolt, his eyes still closed, he knew something wasn’t right. She made her presence known to him.

He felt her rub against his leg playfully before making her way to his chest.  He could feel her body wrap around his, her spirit seducing him with its intensity. She was restless.

He felt her move upwards, towards his face.  He knew what she was going to do, she did it every morning.

He always gave in, she always won. But not this time, he wouldn’t allow it.

He couldn’t let it happen, not again. He wouldn’t let her do it, he would not open his eyes.

It’s how she would win, that intense stare, those beautiful hypnotic eyes boring into his heart, melting his very soul until he could do nothing but give in.

But not this time. He wouldn’t let her win. If only he could keep his eyes closed, perhaps he’d fall back asleep and she’d have no choice, she would have to leave him be.

But as he felt something soft brush his chin, he already knew it was too late. She was upon him. Those beautiful mesmerising green eyes looking lovingly at his, her intensity urging him to open them, to see her beauty, to hear her message.

He gave in. He looked at her. She was so beautiful, so close, her eyes were all that he could see, but it was enough.  Her message became clear in his mind.

A dreaded feeling filled his body as he remembered.  He realised the truth.  A truth he could no longer ignore.

She had won.  And now she would collect her prize.

He sat up  and nodded.  He knew what he had to do.

Tomorrow he would win.  Tomorrow he would sleep late.  But today was hers.   She would feast.  He got up and headed downstairs.  She had won, he would feed her, he would feed his cat.


So did you enjoy this  fluffy tale?    Let me know what you think?  Scary, weird, silly or not?  All comments welcome as long as they aren’t rude 🙂  Happy Halloween everyone!  Don’t forget you can also find me in these places: 

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#Poetry: Elastic Skin #MPBooks

A fun and quick poem (and picture) inspired by the daily prompt.

Pet Show Lizard
“Shhh… I’m hiding!”

The above picture is one I took from the London Pet Show last year.  It inspired this brief poem.  Hope it makes sense and you enjoy it, a little different from the usual poetry 🙂

Elastic Skin

You do not see,
You haven’t spied,
Where I stay,
Where I hide.

All you see,
Leaf or bark,
In the light,
In the dark.

A secret skin,
Colour change,
Keeps me safe,
With you in range.

So, you’ll not see,
Will not spy,
Where I stay,
Where I lie.


What do you think of this short poem?  Do you enjoy the fun poetry?  what about the picture?  Please let me know your thoughts I’d love to hear from you 🙂 You can also follow me in these places: 

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#MondayMotivation: Different is Fine #Poetry #MPBooks

We all feel different sometimes, but here’s a motivational message about feeling different.

Zonkey
A zonkey (a zebra/donkey cross) – Image from Pixabay.com

Everyone is different but sometimes some of us feel as if being different is somehow wrong.  There’s nothing wrong with being different.  If you are odd or peculiar, know that it’s okay and embrace it, our difference is unique and can make us greater than others.  Enjoy this poem for some extra inspiration 🙂  Happy Monday everyone!

Different is Fine

Though you may feel strange inside,
Different from the rest.
Know inside your heart and mind,
You are truly blessed.

Though at times you feel alone,
As if no one does care.
Know inside your heart and mind,
There’s always someone there.

Though you suffer hurt within,
May want to run and hide.
Know inside your heart and mind,
Let truth within you guide.

Be yourself, be who you are,
Inside you are just fine.
Know your path is just delayed,
In time life let’s you shine.


Have you ever felt different?  How did or do you tackle it, if you have?  What do you think of the poem?  I’d love to hear your thoughts so please do comment 🙂  You can also soon find me in these places: 

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